This will be.. an everlasting love

I cleaned out my closet looking for coats to donate. I have three. They are all too big. One I've had for close to fifteen years. My first black leather jacket. I will not get rid of it. I love it. I checked my pockets. I found a gas reciept, a pack of matches, some lip gloss, and an ink pen. The pockets are torn and it is not that warm anymore, but it is mine. The next coat up is a green suede coat that Jamie got me for chirstmas back in 95/96... somewhere around there. It is a pretty coat. All the style back in the day. It is too big. I dug through those pockets. More gas reciepts, dining reciepts from Cracker Barrell in VA. Ticket stubs to see Butterfly Effect, some other reciepts from VA. I think this coat will be donated to the poor. The last coat is a fake leather coat I got at the good will store. It is going also. It is time to start anew. A new winter.. a new coat. A new start. I want something sleek, something classy, yet fun. I want a new coat. Just for me.

I can't sleep. I have been dorking out today. I think it's mainly because I have what I want, but don't have it all they way. I am the type of person who needs you to spell things out to me. I may "know something" but unless you tell me straight up, then I don't "know" jack.

Part of me wants to say fuck it, play it cool, do all the girl games. That's not me. I'm not into dumb games. I am too open with who I am and what I want. Maybe that is my downfall.

Payton Manning sucks ass. Even if he is h-o-t. Oh yeah, I said it.. I'll even say it again.. HOT.... but still sucks, ok he doesn't really.... but I'm not going for the Colts right this second.

Speaking of games.. I love text twist.. fun as hell

Decieving Deception

What sort of TV doesn't get ABC??? Give me a break!!! The Steelers are playing tonight and I don't get to watch. What kind of piss poor satelite company doesn't get ABC? OOOOHHHHH!!!! I checked out ESPN.. and you want to know what is freaking on??? Figure Skating!!!! How is it possible? Why? My choices of shitty tv include 4 MTV channels, a million disney channels, a ton of stupid family shit channels, none of which show anything good. Court TV, which rocks, Discovery, which is ok, and ESPN, and Food... which I watch sometimes. I have 2 local shitty channels out of Denison. It just irritates the shit out of me. I called the satellite company, and I can get local channels... they put me down for them.. and I'm checking the status on them. They are local channels out of freaking St Louis MO and Atlanta GA. WHAT???? Local? Are these local to Francis OK???? Yes, I'm dying to know the weather in St Louis and the crime rate in Atlanta..... GGGRRRR!!! I'm going to go back to watching Figure Skating.

I turn and draw my legs up to my chest, my legs touch your back and I remember instantly that you are there. I wrap my arms around you and kiss your smooth skin and listen with my eyes closed as you breathe. You are warm against me as I fall back into the void of sleep. I awaken and I am alone. You were never there. You are in your bed miles away while I am in mine. I pull my legs to my chest and turn on the tv. I listen to the drone of a newscaster on ESPN and fall back asleep. I awaken a few hours later feeling gross. I get up and stumble to the bathroom. One look in the mirror reflects my pale face. My eyes look brilliantly blue compared to my ghostly white skin. I want to throw up. I don't feel well and my stomach rolls. I correct myself from saying stomach, when I know it is in fact my small intestines. Damn nursing school, I can't even be sick without diagnosing myself. I splash some water over my face and try not to hurl. In my head I am going over possible causes of gastrointestinal issues. I decide it has to be the thanksgiving food I ate at work. Has to be. My tummy is poofed out from all the ick inside. I lay back down. Finally falling back asleep. When I woke back up I feel better, not great still, but better. I haven't eaten though and don't plan on it.

My Mary recently was chosen to be a little cheerleader at the Byng basketball game. She was a doll and was really enthuastic about cheering. She has been going around the house doing cheers. She was really cute out there with the big girls.

Thanksgiving was good. I spent it with my family. I helped my son pop wheelies and my daughter ride her bike with training wheels. My dad and I teased my son, and he got mad because he can dish it out but can't take it. It was a good day. My great grandmother was there and I talked to her about nursing. She was in the first practical nursing program in pontotoc county. She worked at Valley View for a little while, but then moved to OKC and worked at Southwest Community Hospital. She told me about a man who came into the ER with his throat cut from ear to ear and lived. She worked in all different areas of the hospial before finally moving back to ada in the late 80's. She is a wonderful person and I hope to be as good of a nurse as she was. I also got to spend time with my mom and dad. We all stay so busy it seems like I never get to see them anymore. I really miss them. There are times that I just want to be like a kid and run up and grab them and give them a big huge hug, but that's not too grown up of me is it? My parents have been through so much together and have come so far. I am so proud of them. They are awesome people.

Other than feeling like shiznit there is not much else to say. I have so much studying to do tommorrow. I put it all off until the last second like a real genius. I will be sooooo glad when christmas break gets here. 15 more school days. Whoopee!

I hope you all had a great thanksgiving.

Kegals... didn't you know?

Recently I had the complete pleasure to attend an Oklahoma Board of Nurses meeting. I was bored out of my skull. Sitting there I inspected everyone around me. One girl was even as rude as to pull out her cell in the middle of the meeting and start texting. Another guy thought he was just the sexiest thing around had a ginormous gray ear hair poking out of the side of his ear. That almost made me go into a giggle fit. Thinking about walking up behind him and jerking the long gray hair out of his ear listening to the suprised scream that would surely errupt from his girly lips. One of my classmates decided that it was ok for her to whip her foot out of her shoe and start digging her toes. NASTY. I was so ready to get out of there.

Nothing much has really been going on with me other than school. My kids are great. My son just began his first of many trips to the dentist getting his teeth reparied. My daughter thankfully has my teeth and has no cavities, and has become a big girl and sprouted her first molar.

School is going ok. I am ready to be finished. other than that life is just lovely. I am ready for a break.

Do you like to Do it yourself??

First post in a long time. I've been Busy. No, busy doesn't even touch it. I've been crazy busy. Stress isn't my friend and the faster things get at school the more I realise I've developed an ulcer. Lovely. Our test have become intense and fast, two and three in a three day period. I should be studying right this second. It is very hard balancing everything. Kids, school, work, house, life... but it will all be worth it. Just think, one day when I'm starting an IV on you... you will be GLAD I stressed so much over my schoolwork. I have been kind of depressed about work though. I love my job. I really really do. However, I am in a transitioning phase and it seems that this makes it hard on everyone. I am no longer just the CNA, I'm the baby nurse... It's a little difficult. I get a lot of shit from coworkers that are CNA's that have issues with my moving on. There are times I feel that maybe they think that I will get my license and automatically think I am better than they are. This isn't going to happen. There are certain responsibilities I will have, but acting like an asshole isn't one of them. It makes it tough. I am also having problems with my scheduling. There just isn't enough time in the day for everything I have to do. I can't work until 2am and then get in bed around 3 be back up at 6 get the kids dressed, to school and myself to class, and then be expected not to fall asleep in class. Imagine, a nice, cold class room, sitting for hours, listening to the droning of a lecture.. with a good three hours sleep under your belt. It's an excellent environment to sleep, only if that happens there are deficieny's written and that means you can be kicked out of the program after so many deficiencies. So I have changed my work schedule. My schooling is more important. I have to get through this. Other than that there really isn't much that's going on. I have a few funny stories, but not the time to tell them, so I guess that's all for now. It's time to work.