Chop Suey
Tired would not be an appropiate word to describe how I feel. Beat down dog shit dead is more accurate. I've been working my ass off, trying to get ahead and it seems like I keep moving backwards. I guess I am just frusturated. There are days when I think everything is good, that I know what is going on with my life, and then there are days when I look around and go, "Why am I here, and how the hell did I get here?" I want things, I want basic things that aren't too out of the ordinary. Maybe I should make a list like kids do.
Bib's Wish List:
To get to sleep in until noon and wake up only to go back to sleep on the couch watching tv.
To take a bath that is so full of bubbles and stick my toes out of the water, with a candle or two around the tub.
To be able to go to the bathroom without someone either opening the door, standing at the door, putting their toes, hands, and other body parts under the door.
To watch a movie, without having to get up to do anything.
To lose 15 lbs off my fat ass.
To know deep in my heart that someone loves me. Not a selfish love, but a strong, caring, feel it in your soul type of love.
To be able to eat blackberries all summer long.
To be able to show the people I love how much I love them.
To be able to play with my kids more. It seems I am so busy all I have time for is the necessary stuff and the 20 minutes of playtime before it's bedtime.
To be the best parent I can be. I feel so often that I try so hard only to fail.
To be able to ride in a hot air balloon.
To be able to close my eyes and imagine myself anywhere in the world, and when I open them I'd be there.
I think maybe I'm just tired tonight. My list could be long, so I'll stop it here. I wish for so many things, I hope for so many things, but in the back of my mind I wonder if I'll ever have any of them. I am the type of person who likes to have things spelled out to them. I like knowing and hearing something. Seeing it in black and white as well as from the horses' mouth. When I don't get that I start to worry. I worry about everything. Right now I'm worried that Dragon, (who is on the porch) will fall off of the porch and hang himself on his leash. I know.. I know... I'm retarded.
In the end I just want to be happy. I just want to know that all that I've done and have gone through hasn't been for nothing.
Bib's Wish List:
To get to sleep in until noon and wake up only to go back to sleep on the couch watching tv.
To take a bath that is so full of bubbles and stick my toes out of the water, with a candle or two around the tub.
To be able to go to the bathroom without someone either opening the door, standing at the door, putting their toes, hands, and other body parts under the door.
To watch a movie, without having to get up to do anything.
To lose 15 lbs off my fat ass.
To know deep in my heart that someone loves me. Not a selfish love, but a strong, caring, feel it in your soul type of love.
To be able to eat blackberries all summer long.
To be able to show the people I love how much I love them.
To be able to play with my kids more. It seems I am so busy all I have time for is the necessary stuff and the 20 minutes of playtime before it's bedtime.
To be the best parent I can be. I feel so often that I try so hard only to fail.
To be able to ride in a hot air balloon.
To be able to close my eyes and imagine myself anywhere in the world, and when I open them I'd be there.
I think maybe I'm just tired tonight. My list could be long, so I'll stop it here. I wish for so many things, I hope for so many things, but in the back of my mind I wonder if I'll ever have any of them. I am the type of person who likes to have things spelled out to them. I like knowing and hearing something. Seeing it in black and white as well as from the horses' mouth. When I don't get that I start to worry. I worry about everything. Right now I'm worried that Dragon, (who is on the porch) will fall off of the porch and hang himself on his leash. I know.. I know... I'm retarded.
In the end I just want to be happy. I just want to know that all that I've done and have gone through hasn't been for nothing.
posted by bib at
12:35 AM
3 Comments:
Would the young man who IM'd me the link please resend it? I got button happy and closed out my window before checking it out. Thanks!
By
bib, at 12:27 AM
I don't know about the rest of your list, but there is that big ass bathtub in your bathroom. Plenty of room for both bubbles and candles. Heck, even Tilly could share it with you. You can both kick back, maxin' and relaxin'.
By
Jay, at 10:10 AM
Rusty, I tend to think I either "fail" or "didn't try hard enough" at most things. I worry about raising my children with good morals and values. I worry about having enough for them and giving them things that I didn't have, all while teaching them to work for and take care of what they get. Love goes a long way, but it's my nature to worry about those I care about.
By
bib, at 9:15 PM
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