Nothing in Particular

There are times I want to pour my heart and soul onto these keys. I have to stop and remember that it's public. I have to stop and remember that it's not just strangers reading this. It's people I know. I do not want to tell everyone what I am feeling. I do want to share my life though- touch as many people as I can. I don't know, maybe someone out there can sit back in their chair and go "thank God I'm not as crazy as this woman!" Even if I just give a few minutes of boredom relief then my job is done. I love to write. I used to dream that one day I would be a writer. I don't know that I would have the patience to do that now, but I do know that I enjoy this blog far more than I would've ever thought possible. As a child I used to write in a diary, and even now I still write outside of here. It's odd the way people think. I am whimsy and a daydreamer, doodling in class while the instructor drones on and on. I dream about the future and what it will bring. My mathematician stated the other day that I wasn't indecisive. That I knew exactly what I wanted. Maybe I do to a point. The thing is, I've always known what I have wanted. It doesn't mean I ever get it. I know now that the things that I can control such as school and work I will get. I know this, and I know that I will be successful at what I do. I am determined to succeed. Other things, life things I am not so sure about. I don't know about love. I know that loving someone doesn't make them love you back. I know that having children doesn't make you a good parent. I know that I want to succeed at all of these things. I want to have a successful career. I want to be loved as well as love. I want to be a good parent. These are my goals. I think everything else will fall into place if I can achieve these. I am trying on all three. I am realistic enough to know that I may not be able meet them, but it won't stop me from trying. Ten years from now I would like to have my degree and several certifications to go with it. I would like to be working at a place that I really enjoy. I would like to be married to someone I really love and who loves me. I would like my kids to be happy and healthy and good people. In ten years I want Brenden to be preparing to go off to college and Mary preparing to get her license. I want to come home to a house full of kids tearing through my kitchen. See.. I told you I was a daydreamer.. Ok, I am done. One more thing and I will wrap this up. I found this the other night. I think it's fitting.

He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Edwin Markham