Here we go again

This morning I get up and find a lovely message from J. It goes something like this:


(4/9/2005 11:51:12 AM): just wanted to let you know that the last couple of days I have done a lot of thinking and finally got to the point in my mind where I want to be friends with you, You are fun to be with, I understand you points, and respect your decisions. I want to be a part of the kids live and US to work together. i just hope we can get on the same page with the kids in mind. I'm not a bad father to those two, I think you are just upset with me, and rightly so. I promise to help you with them. I should be able to in a few more months. I am making a lot of progress on the bills, triing to get that damned household finace down, you know what I'm talking about there, and through it all i still think you are a wonderful person and still love you, hell I always will, can't help that.



Now, first read through I was like "awww, finally he wants to help me" . Second read through I was like "wait wait... this is mind games.. I've been through this all too many times". Somewhere between the third and thirty fifth read through my translations goes something like this...

"Oh shit. I just found out you turned me over to the state for unpaid child support. Please call them off! I am going to mind fuck you just like I did the last time so that you will stop having my wages garnished. I miss the way you pay the bills for me and always keep everything in order. I miss having you as my cover! I tried to be a good father to my kids when I wasn't ignoring them, yelling at them, or molesting my son at night. You are pissed at me, but I've gotten you to reconsider in the past, so maybe I can do it now. I am a selfish bastard who is making approximately 4000 a month, but I can't send any of it to you right now, because my boyfriends are too important to me. Maybe in a few months I can send you some money, so just get the state off my ass ok? I am going to tell you I love you in hopes that it will get you to do what I want you to do, because I do still love you a little bit.. when you do what I want... so why don't you do what I want? "


This is my translation, but maybe I am just being a bitter cow??? I mean, what's a year without any contact? No phone calls at christmas time, no calls EVER. What's a year without making an effort to be a father except to send a letter to the teacher at school to tell the class to be sure and write or to send pictures to school when you are deployed??? I mean a couple of letters to the school sure beat the hell out of actually TALKING to your kids, right? It's all about an image he wants to portray. I've been through this all before and maybe I am a little calloused and jaded, but by being this way I know I'm not going to get screwed over by him anymore. The I want to be friends stuff is bullshit. If he wanted to be friends he would be trying a hell of a lot harder than that. I would be willing to bet money that his boyfriend dumped him. I am talking serious bucks on this one.
I don't really care. I won't allow my babies to get hurt again. I won't let my son ever be touched by him again, and I really just hope that he realises that I'm not the same pushover that I used to be.

Damn I need a drink.