Stories
ok, ok, I know I should save some for later posts, but I am sooo bored. Jay and I got on the subject of funny/embarrassing stories this weekend while we were moving, or rather he was moving and I was helping... anyway... Jay, I love you so I won't go into your stories, however I will share with you some of mine. I have been giving this a lot of thought. Numero Uno:
Bike Rack
When I was about eight or ten my uncle James had a green ten speed bike. I so wanted to ride this bike. It was tall, and James had the seat all the way up, seeing as he was ten years older than I. I waited and waited and finally one day Jamie forgot his bike down at our house. I watched to make sure he got all the way home and in his house until I got the courage to get up and get the bike. It was tall, very tall... how am I going to get on this thing, I think to myself. I decided that the most brilliant way would be to take the bike to the clothes line pole and lean the bike against the pole, jump up, grab the T-post with my hands, guide the bike with my feet under my rear and drop myself down on the seat. Yes, I realise NOW that there could've been easier ways to do this, but hey, I was a creative kid. I try this three or four times before it works. I finally get on the bike and can barely reach the pedals. Now remember the old ten speeds had the "boy bar" that went straight across the frame. I rode around for a while, getting my speed up and finally had the nerve to go down a hill. On the way down the hill I flew off the seat trying to stop myself (wasn't used to hand breaks) and ended up racking the heck out of myself on the "boy-bar". I can remember dragging my feet, toppling over, crying because I hurt, down there. I didn't ride uncles bike again for a very long time.
Numero dos
The Maxi-Pad incident: My granny still laughs about this....
As a kid I always hung out with my aunt, who is my age. One day in our summer boredom stupor we decided we were going to play dress up. My granny had an awesome collection of costume jewelry and clothes. Brandy and I played for a good while, pretending we were grown ups. We then went into the bathroom and proceeded to dabble with my granny's make-up, hair spray and other womanly things. Soon we came across a box of Maxi Pads. The old thick kind that are about three inches thick with a line of glue that would hold a car to the ceiling. Brandy and I decided that we should put them on, and be "grown ups". So, being young girls, we put them on, only we put them on the way we thought they should go, sticky side up. We glued these pads to ourselves. A few minutes later they became irritating and we were going to take them off, they were stuck. I started to cry (I was a wuss) and Granny came into the bathroom. I remember my Granny actually falling over laughing at us. To this day she will still do the little squat Brandy and I were in and make her eyes real big and laugh. I guess we did look hilarious. I am guessing that is probably the reason I don't use pads.
Numero Tres
Forgetting is bad
Ok, this is recent. Well, more recent. When I was working as a manager at Taco Bell there was a time when I was working some crazy hours. Anyone who has ever worked fast food can attest to the fact that when you are a manager you get way more hours than is healthy for you. I had been doing this great shift where I would close on a Saturday night and then open on Sunday morning. IT SUCKED. I was so tired and by the time I drove home and got in bed I only got a couple of hours of sleep. One morning after a particularly bad night I woke up late. I was dead tired and in a hurry. I threw on my uniform and put my hair in my cap and rushed out the door. I drove all the way to my store (which was about half an hour drive), got in and started my morning routine when I realised... I had forgotten to put my bra on. I was mortified. I try hard enough to hide my boobs with a bra on and knowing I didn't have one on period I knew there was no way I could go all day with my girls free floating. I crossed my arms and did my paperwork, got the morning prep done and told everyone I was "going to the bank". I went to the bank, dropped of deposit, and went to the only store open. It was this cheesy little dollar general knock off. I bought a three dollar bra in a size too small. I wore it happily though. In fact, I wore that bra up until just a few months ago when the underwire snapped. That was embarrassing. I have never forgotten my bra again, and pray I never do it again. I am just glad I didn't forget my wallet. I would have had a heck of a time explaining buying a bra out of petty cash.
Well, that's the end of my story telling for now. I have more, but I'm getting tired, so we'll save some for later, shall we?
Bike Rack
When I was about eight or ten my uncle James had a green ten speed bike. I so wanted to ride this bike. It was tall, and James had the seat all the way up, seeing as he was ten years older than I. I waited and waited and finally one day Jamie forgot his bike down at our house. I watched to make sure he got all the way home and in his house until I got the courage to get up and get the bike. It was tall, very tall... how am I going to get on this thing, I think to myself. I decided that the most brilliant way would be to take the bike to the clothes line pole and lean the bike against the pole, jump up, grab the T-post with my hands, guide the bike with my feet under my rear and drop myself down on the seat. Yes, I realise NOW that there could've been easier ways to do this, but hey, I was a creative kid. I try this three or four times before it works. I finally get on the bike and can barely reach the pedals. Now remember the old ten speeds had the "boy bar" that went straight across the frame. I rode around for a while, getting my speed up and finally had the nerve to go down a hill. On the way down the hill I flew off the seat trying to stop myself (wasn't used to hand breaks) and ended up racking the heck out of myself on the "boy-bar". I can remember dragging my feet, toppling over, crying because I hurt, down there. I didn't ride uncles bike again for a very long time.
Numero dos
The Maxi-Pad incident: My granny still laughs about this....
As a kid I always hung out with my aunt, who is my age. One day in our summer boredom stupor we decided we were going to play dress up. My granny had an awesome collection of costume jewelry and clothes. Brandy and I played for a good while, pretending we were grown ups. We then went into the bathroom and proceeded to dabble with my granny's make-up, hair spray and other womanly things. Soon we came across a box of Maxi Pads. The old thick kind that are about three inches thick with a line of glue that would hold a car to the ceiling. Brandy and I decided that we should put them on, and be "grown ups". So, being young girls, we put them on, only we put them on the way we thought they should go, sticky side up. We glued these pads to ourselves. A few minutes later they became irritating and we were going to take them off, they were stuck. I started to cry (I was a wuss) and Granny came into the bathroom. I remember my Granny actually falling over laughing at us. To this day she will still do the little squat Brandy and I were in and make her eyes real big and laugh. I guess we did look hilarious. I am guessing that is probably the reason I don't use pads.
Numero Tres
Forgetting is bad
Ok, this is recent. Well, more recent. When I was working as a manager at Taco Bell there was a time when I was working some crazy hours. Anyone who has ever worked fast food can attest to the fact that when you are a manager you get way more hours than is healthy for you. I had been doing this great shift where I would close on a Saturday night and then open on Sunday morning. IT SUCKED. I was so tired and by the time I drove home and got in bed I only got a couple of hours of sleep. One morning after a particularly bad night I woke up late. I was dead tired and in a hurry. I threw on my uniform and put my hair in my cap and rushed out the door. I drove all the way to my store (which was about half an hour drive), got in and started my morning routine when I realised... I had forgotten to put my bra on. I was mortified. I try hard enough to hide my boobs with a bra on and knowing I didn't have one on period I knew there was no way I could go all day with my girls free floating. I crossed my arms and did my paperwork, got the morning prep done and told everyone I was "going to the bank". I went to the bank, dropped of deposit, and went to the only store open. It was this cheesy little dollar general knock off. I bought a three dollar bra in a size too small. I wore it happily though. In fact, I wore that bra up until just a few months ago when the underwire snapped. That was embarrassing. I have never forgotten my bra again, and pray I never do it again. I am just glad I didn't forget my wallet. I would have had a heck of a time explaining buying a bra out of petty cash.
Well, that's the end of my story telling for now. I have more, but I'm getting tired, so we'll save some for later, shall we?
posted by bib at
12:29 AM
2 Comments:
Well, I've told the bathing suit one, the vomit with Chad Allison one, the drunk guys and thier dongs on Lake Texhoma one, but I've got loads more. If you promise not to air them out to anyone, you may here more. ;-)
By
Jay, at 1:14 AM
I'm not airing them out... but sounds like you are! You didn't mention any of the really REALLY Good ones either, what a shame. :-)
By
bib, at 6:10 AM
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