I'm trying

"You'll get over me soon."

HA! That's the thing. I never meant to HAVE to get over you. I never meant to let you in. I never meant for you to mean much of anything to me. So now when I am meaning to move on it's not going so well. I can hear you say, "it's only been a few hours, Brigette." Yeah, well, still, this isn't going so well. I talk to some guy and either all they want is sex, or we are talking and I'm like "yeah that's cool", but in my head I'm going "the mathmatician wouldn't do that, or would do that, or would like that..." I want to call you. I pick up the phone only to put it back down. I want to text you, but I'll break my fingers before I allow myself. I want to ask you, "Can this guy be real?" when I'm getting IM's from some guy who wants to come to my house. HA! Never! Who do you think I am? My exhusband? No stranger will ever be brought in my home.


I want to kick myself in the ass. In other news I had my exam today. I had an awful day at work, and I didn't even work today. I have a ton of stuff to do and no motivation to do any of it.

I have an appointment tommorrow for a nice big lump in my breast. I guess I will be going to the doctor by myself. This is probably for the best. I am stressing over this very very badly. I think it would probably be torture on anyone within 20 feet of me. For the record I hate August. I particularly hate the first two weeks in August. What was once a happy month has really turned out to be a shitfest the past few years.